Well, that made me feel better!

Its a long one, bear with me ...

Today I wrote a blog! It was a simple blog. I was a summary of what I have done to get me where I am now. Why was this blog so significant you ask?  I touched on something that I think has really affected me more than what I had initially realised when I was younger. I followed the blog up with a chat to a friend and my husband. I decided to write a letter to he who must not be named! So here we go...

Dear L,

Once upon a time I started working in a retail store. The manager was a lady, who we will name N, she was your wife. You were the manager of another store which was a brand of the same parent company. As a young lady at 16 I looked up to N and a role model and thought that I wanted to be just like her. We became friends and I got to know you both, I even stayed in your house to look after the cat while you both went on holiday.

Between you both, you built up my confidence and I was soon working my way up the retail ladder from weekend supervisor to fulltime supervisor, back of house manager, assistant manager. I ended up working for you L in the store that you managed. I loved my job and loved how you both took me under your wing. I wasn't as close with some of the other members of the team because they did not like the close relationship that I had with you both and how you both helped me climb the career plan. 

It didn't last though L did it? As I was given more responsibility and sent away to bigger stores for training from the area managers they also liked my vision and drive and began to sing my praises. That didn't go down well did it? 

So here is where our story starts to go downhill. Any excuse you had to pull me away from the jobs that I was responsible for you did. I was pulled on to the shop floor to cover ALL of the staff breaks. This was because you knew that I could open store accounts. Again, I became a victim of my own success. I can remember opening 90 accounts in one week and the most anyone had done was 40. You got the praise for this as it was your store so you kept me at it. I was getting behind on my own jobs and getting questioned from head office. I tried to explain what was happening but you told them another tale. I would still be interested to know what that was. 

Then it got worse didn't it? I was in charge of the tills, the cash the safe and the gift vouchers. It was only supposed to be you or I that had access to these things but you decided that anyone should be able to do it and, what I didn't realise at the time, was you were signing them off under my name. Then the gift vouchers started not to add up and it took me weeks to get them sorted. I very nearly got the sack over that but it turned out you had been loaning some to our other umbrella stores in the city.

At the young age of 18 I had worked my arse off for you and trusted you but you threw me under the bus. When head office came for a visit you told them that I had more than enough time to do my jobs and was only required to cover one lunch break a day. I was heading for a disciplinary but I left. I ended up very depressed with anxiety issues and my trust in people was shot. I ran away and I kick myself for doing that because it made me look like the guilty one. I should have at least wrote a letter to head office but I was not in the right head space. 

Now I would like to thank you L, I would like to thank you for teaching me some valuable lessons early on in my life. Who knows, if I had stayed I may still be in a crap wage, working weekends and over the busy Christmas period with no thanks or appreciation for all that I did. Your treatment led me to be the person that I am now and back into University. I sincerely hope that you have never done the same to another person. To be honest I think you were shitting yourself a bit that you were found out as your stress levels were going through the roof. I hope you learned a lesson from that but to be honest I doubt that you did. I did go off the rails a bit after the way that I was treated but I was more hurt that I trusted you so much and had looked up to you as a role model. I learned to be careful but it did NOT stop me from putting my trust in others forever. I would never have given you that much power for too long. 

So once again L, thank you for your part in my journey and lessons in life. We live and we learn.

R x

I felt good writing this letter and getting it out in the open as at the time I just kept quiet. I was young, a bit naïve and not as confident as I can be now. I wanted to share this with you all though. This is not the only set back that I have had in life but it was one of the first that affected me and my career. I wanted to share it so that you can learn from my experiences. What would I have done differently now? I would have fought back every step of the way. (I'm sure those of you who know me will be chuckling as you read that.) I am over the event itself but disappointed in myself that I let it get as far as it did. The biggest lesson though is that we use these set backs as life lessons and move on. Never let it stop you from being who you want to be. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back on your journey to success. Much love xxx